


Wrath Of God

by SomeSunnyDay



Category: Johnny the Homicidal Maniac
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a song, Death Threats, Fix-It, Genetic Disorders & Abnormalities, I'm not even sure I'm tagging this right, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Mental Health Issues, Moral Dilemmas, Moral Lessons, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:00:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeSunnyDay/pseuds/SomeSunnyDay
Summary: A bad relationship from start to finish
Relationships: Jimmy "Mmy"/Edgar Vargas
Kudos: 5





	Wrath Of God

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hello I'm trying to figure out why I have to do this to Edgar but I'm a sucker for angst and pain. This fic is based on the song Wrath Of God by Crystal Castles- among other songs mentioned. 
> 
> I wrote this over the span of roughly four months off and on- that's why the flow is a bit botched tbh. Just please take this and let me crawl back under my rock to write better fics hopefully.
> 
> Here's the spotify playlist to this fic : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4DJ0AKKB0RbH2cS50BF1jR?si=eDvXUiktRJWOLXLUuPLWew

In many ways Edgar trying new things was a concern.

His frame of reference was well defined given how many times he failed at everything he tried. 

This time wasn't a sport, or hobby. It was a type of person. Edgar never considered himself very social or an extrovert. He had everything he needed at his house to keep him occupied. Though on his way home from work he could feel a random pull to this club. The bouncer let him in after a moment of confusion, Edgar never went to a club in his life and it  _ showed. _

The music was loud and there were strobe lights everywhere. He sat at a table and waited. From what he could remember of his college years, you didn't just sit- you ordered a drink (or 7) and went to go dance. Edgar wasn't good at dancing but he did feel like having a drink. So he got up and found the bar and ordered something. After the 10th shot of it he couldn't remember what it was called.

He got up, he steadied himself, and wandered around for a bit. Maybe he could dance now, he heard once you have enough alcohol in you, you would then have a personality. He moved about the crowd and thought the lights were going to kill him. The music faded and the DJ spoke

_ "This one's Wrath Of God by Crystal Castles- a calmer one but it still has a good vibe. Enjoy everyone." _

The song came on and the DJ was right, it sounded a lot calmer than the others Edgar had heard. 

He continued his wandering. Looking around there was smoke coming from in front of him, it smelled like cherries. He could see a tall silhouette from between the smoke and lights. The first thing he caught was his eyes, covered in black matte and glitter eyeshadow and he was wearing white contacts.The heavy eyeliner was purple  _ possibly. _ He walked closer and thought  _ it's a nice shade of purple. _

The guy smiled, the next thing Edgar noticed was his teeth. Sharp. Filed to points. He stopped walking then. The song was giving him an unexplained feeling and this guy wasn't making it any better. He drew closer and Edgar was worried.

He tried to hide all traces of fear on his face, honestly because  _ fuck fear. _ He straightened himself and cleared his throat. This guy could be a basketcase but Edgar was an introverted chaotic mess so he wasn't really one to judge. The guy's expression changed from predatory to curious. He nudged his head for Edgar to follow and he did. He wasn't stupid, but he was a bit wasted so that also didn't help.

They both sat down and looking at him without the smoke, without the lights, made Edgar a little uneasy. He had this feeling to him that Edgar wasn't sure if he wanted an explanation for. He smiled again.

"Hey, I haven't seen you here before. You don't look like the type to hang around here. What's up with that?"

Edgar shifted. He took a breath and thought  _ simple conversation. Fuck fear and go for it. _

"I'm not, but that's not saying much. I heard the music and decided I could give going in a try."

The guy scooted closer and his eyes were more unnerving without the smoke to cover them  _ maybe that was the intended effect. _ He said as the song ended "My name is Jimmy, but you can call me Darkness. What's your name?"

Edgar blinked several times and finally registered his question. "My-..my name is Edgar, Edgar Vargas."

_ Jimmy _ smiled, though not in the same way as before. Not smug. Seemingly just surprised. His hand rubbed Edgar's leg softly. He asked "..Hey, y'wanna get out of here?"

Edgar nodded.

* * *

It was a week before Edgar saw Jimmy again.

Edgar didn’t know how to react when he saw him without his makeup on, or contacts. He was with a few people who looked older than him.  _ Maybe that’s why? _ When Jimmy saw him he smiled and waved him over. Edgar put his book in his bag and watched the other people leave.

“Hey sweetness, what’s up?”

Edgar coughed nervously at the name Jimmy addressed him with.   
  
“I-..I was having time to myself, reading. What’re you doing here?”

Jimmy smirked “I came to score some weed but when I saw you I decided to wait a while. Though I will have a smoke now, c’mon, sit with me.”

Edgar nodded, He wouldn’t be able to look at Jimmy’s cherry cigars the same way again. As Jimmy sat down Edgar got yanked into his memory.   
  
_ He was getting pushed up against the wall. He and Jimmy agreed on going to his house and the first thing he did was kiss him. Edgar could taste the thick sting of Jimmy’s cigar- cherry overwhelmed him. The wall was very uncomfortable and Edgar shook Jimmy’s shoulder. _

_ “What’s the matter baby? Never been kissed by a man before?” _

_ Edgar stuttered a little, he didn’t want to do this.  _

_ “Jim-..Jimmy please, I’m not comfortable with- with this.” _

_ Jimmy set Edgar down and breathed out “..how do I make it comfortable for you baby..” _

_ Edgar looked down to his shoes and asked “..some time? I uh..I’d like some time to get to know you properly first.” _

_ Jimmy nodded, “..alright, I’ll give you some time.” _

_ For the rest of the night, Jimmy sat with Edgar watching TV. His cigar hanging a bit from his mouth in a way Edgar didn’t know he liked. It was a distinct possibility that Jimmy knew very well that he did. _

“..-So they kinda just left it over at my place-..Edgar? Hey- you good?”

Edgar blinked several times and nodded, “Yeah, yeah, I’m alright- just..just a little tired s’all.” he rested his hand over his mouth.

Jimmy leaned forwards and nodded “It’s alright, I’ve been having issues with that too.”

"..how so?"

"Insomnia. Got diagnosed with a bunch'a shit a while back, got meds for it, ran out of Quetiapine a few days ago."

Edgar straightened again, curious now. "Really? When's the refill supposed to come in?"

Jimmy tapped the bench. "I think-..I think on Friday."

Edgar nodded "..would it-..um-..would you be opposed to a suggestion?"

Jimmy shook his head "Nah, go ahead, shoot."

Edgar folded his arms "Have you tried Melatonin? It's a good alternative for when you run out of your medication. I know Seroquel isn't primarily used for sleep but I know running out would mess a few things up."

Jimmy nodded, "Yeah, it does. Been having more episodes. That's why I was getting some weed, it calms me down. Though it's not a necessity, but I'll try the Melatonin. Thanks for the suggestion babe."

Edgar shifted "..yeah, no problem."

* * *

“Pack of cherry Clipper cigars, please.”

Edgar was in line with Jimmy, this was technically their 4th date. Jimmy asked him to go to town with him today, they got slushies and Jimmy’s groceries. The cashier looked at Edgar and back to Jimmy, he had a confused look on his face. Jimmy sighed “Yes, he’s with me- can you get my shit now please?” the cashier nodded and Jimmy paid for the cigars.

They left the corner store and went back to Jimmy’s house. Once everything was put away they sat on the couch to watch TV. Edgar didn’t know how things could escalate so quickly, he’d only known Jimmy for a few months.  _ Loneliness, perhaps. _ Jimmy tugged off his boots and laid his head down on Edgar’s lap, he looked exhausted. They passed out watching a detective show.

Maybe it was because Edgar was lonely and wanted to feel needed, or maybe he didn’t want Jimmy angry. He’d seen Jimmy irritated several times, livid only once and that one time was enough for him, it wasn’t much but the definite hatred was there.

Jimmy was with his psych doctor, sitting in the living room. His medications were being processed but from what Edgar was getting from the discussion, he wasn’t being compensated for the time spent without them. Edgar was in the kitchen making lunch when he heard glass break and Jimmy yelling. 

“Tell the fucking pharmasist to shove his fucking glasses down his god  _ damn throat for deinying me the right to have MY FUCKING MEDS.” _

Edgar peeked out from the kitchen as Jimmy was about to throw another glass. Mrs. Harren shushed Jimmy and agreed, she told him she’d take care of it. She set him down on the couch and he broke down in tears, trying to get out of her hold and failing each time. Mrs. Harren, from what Edgar got, was the family doctor. She’d worked with Jimmy for the majority of his life, she had a special type of clearance with him. He told Edgar once that Mrs. Harren was like a mother to him, more than his actual mother was anyways.

Mrs. Harren let Jimmy fall asleep on her and once she set his head on a pillow she got up and talked with Edgar.   
  
“You’re Edgar then?”

Edgar was sitting at the table, eating a ham and cheese sandwich. “Yes, ma’am.”

She nodded and sat with him, she said in a professional sort of detachment, “Edgar, I appreciate you staying in the kitchen. Jimmy would’ve thrown something at you if you tried to calm him down. I know he likes you a great deal, but be warned, he is unstable even at the best of times. He has a lot of issues with his head, I want you to know the fullest extent of those issues, before you get hurt.”

She folded her arms on the table and continued, “I’ll put this to you straight. Jimmy isn’t safe. He puts himself in danger and hurts people because he finds it funny. He told me once, when he was younger, he found a video of a man being ran over repeatedly by a car. He said he really liked it and saved it for later. I’m sure he still has it somewhere. He’s Bipolar and he's an up and coming narcissist, with an attachment disorder. His psychopathic traits are what worries me the most, his medications help with those but for some reason the insurance isn’t working with us on his refills very well. I’m going to tell you, out of the interest of your personal safety, that being involved with Jimmy this way isn’t safe. Though I can only suggest, I can’t demand you to leave. If you get hurt, that’s on you, I’m giving you this warning right now. Do you understand?”

Edgar nodded “Yes ma’am, I understand.”

She nodded and gave her number to Edgar and left. He sat there for a while in silence. 

Maybe if he was caring towards Jimmy he wouldn’t hurt anyone like he has been. Edgar put his head on the table, he then realized how alone he actually was. His family was dead, lived past them. The only person he had conversations with when it didn’t pertain to work was the lady at the store he went to, Tess. She wasn’t even there most days. From Tuesday to Friday he didn’t talk to anyone. 

Edgar looked over to where Jimmy was passed out and sighed. He got up and washed his plate, he’d make up his mind soon.

* * *

They woke up after a while. Jimmy turned and pressed his face into Edgar's jacket, he groaned.

"'M still tired.."

Edgar pet his head, he learned early Jimmy liked his hair yanked, but in the interest of not giving him a headache he ran his hand through it instead. 

"Would you like me to move so you can sleep?"

Jimmy shook his head, as much as he could anyways.

"..No-..jus'-..fuckin' stay put."

Edgar nodded, even though Jimmy couldn't see it.

They were like that for a while, Edgar falling in and out of sleep. When his body was fully rested he had to get up. Jimmy didn't like it and tried to keep Edgar in one spot but he lightly pushed him off with a promise to make it up to Jimmy later. He didn't sleep very well and Edgar felt bad that he had to wake him so much today.

As he moved his joints popped and he stretched.

Going into the kitchen, the microwave clock read 7:18 PM and Edgar sighed. His sleep schedule was now wrecked to bits.  _ That's alright I suppose. _

He distantly heard Jimmy get up and groan. Edgar winced. He checked the time again and rushed back to Jimmy. He hoped Jimmy wouldn't yell at him for letting him sleep past his time.

"You needed to take your afternoon meds a while ago-"

" _ Yeah- I fucking know that you fuckin’ bitch." _

Edgar looked to the floor, he assumed Jimmy hadn't taken his morning meds either. He did seem a bit misplaced today, now that Edgar thought about it.

"Did you want to take them now? Or wait to take your night ones?"

Jimmy settled down after a few seconds of tensing his hands, his face was disturbingly blank.  _ Bottling it up. _

"..Yeah..I'll take my night ones- don't want to mess up more of my shit."

Edgar nodded and asked "I just needed to get up for a few, you wanna go lay down again?"

Jimmy nodded "..yeah."

They both moved to the bedroom and settled down, Edgar let Jimmy lay on him. They soon fell asleep and in the morning they fixed Jimmy’s med case and schedule.

* * *

“I don’t know what you  _ want me to FUCKIN DO, EDGAR.”  _ Jimmy and Edgar were in the living room, Jimmy had blood on his hands.

“First off, please don’t raise your voice at me. Secondly all I asked was for you to stop pulling the jackrabbits apart in the tub when you don’t clean up after yourself.”

Jimmy wiped the blood on his pants. “I fuckin’ clean up you piece of shit, I always take care of what I need to. Don’t come at me with that stupid ass bullshit you fuckin’ bitch.”

Edgar sat to keep his cool, he never liked confrontation and as Jimmy made his way around the living room to find his hunting knife, Edgar hoped he wouldn’t have to do anything harsh. “I’m not trying to make you upset Jimmy, I’m trying to understand the way you think about things. I want to know how you actually feel about me.”

Jimmy stopped, knife in hand, “..What I  _ actually _ think about you? Are you that fuckin’ dense? Jesus, Edgar, Mrs. Harren gave you ‘The Lecture’ and you continued with me anyways. The Hell do you want me to say? That I  _ love _ you with all my heart? Fuckin’ ridiculous. I see you as I see everyone that’s been around me longer than a month, a thing to  _ have _ but not  _ need _ .  _ You _ aren’t exempt from the same treatment because I have you around all the damn time. You did this to yourself fuckface.”

Edgar sat silently as Jimmy scoffed at him and left to go skin the jackrabbit. 

* * *

Edgar was sitting on the bathroom floor, Jimmy threatened him again. They were loosely discussing things here and there. Somewhere along the way Edgar said  _ something. _ He didn’t know what he said, all he knew was Jimmy was backing him into a corner and holding a knife out to him. 

“I CAN’T FUCKIN’ BELIEVE YOU’D SAY THAT TO ME.” Jimmy shouted. He paused himself, he said quietly “..I fuckin’ told you,  _ you’re stuck with me. _ No one’ll listen to you since you were warned about my shit. You brought this on yourself. The next time you run your mouth like that again, I’ll rip your tongue out and kick your teeth down your throat, y’understand?” 

Edgar nodded and Jimmy threw the knife and it hit the space beside Edgar’s head.

He locked himself in the bathroom and sat on the floor. He cried. Jimmy was right.  _ This is all my fault. _

“Hey- you said I could go out today. Did you forget?”

“The fuck? I didn’t say shit about you leaving this fucking house.”

“Oh..I’m sorry.”

“You better be.”

**____________**

“It’s Sunday. Can I go to church this time?”

“I told you to stop asking about that. You’re supposed to spend time with  _ me. _ ”

“..Sorry.”

“Uh-huh.”

**____________**

“I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you Edgar. I’ll smother you, fuckin’ poison your food. Stick tapeworms in your body and watch as you slowly lose your mind. You won’t know what I’ll do to you. I promise I’ll kill you.

“..I’m sorry..I’ll do better next time.”

“I’ll make sure you won’t be  _ alive  _ next time to fuck up like usual.”

* * *

The club was loud and Edgar wanted nothing less out of it. He walked around and he wanted to scream. Jimmy had hit him during a physical confrontation between him and another person, it caused Edgar to lash out at Jimmy when they were alone. Jimmy threw him out and now he’s wandering around the club he and Jimmy met at. He wanted to run and kick at things but he settled at a table in a quiet seethe. After a bit of collection on his thoughts, Edgar calmed down.

He sat at the table in silence for a time until he saw a lady getting harrassed. He got up and was about to stop the man from touching her but by the time he actually made it over there she twisted his arm and threw him to the ground. The lady and Edgar made eye contact and she looked at him like she was ready to hurt him if he stepped closer. Edgar put his hands up, a quiet give-in. The lady looked back to the man on the floor and scoffed at him, she looked around behind Edgar and moved her head to an empty table. Edgar followed her and they sat down, the lady put her guard up further and placed her bag between them.

“What do you want from me?” she asked, point blank.

Edgar was confused but answered anyways. “Nothing, I saw you were having an issue and I wanted to help..but I saw you handled it well so..”

The lady looked Edgar up and down. “Did you do that with the intent to get in my pants?”

Edgar shook his head-  _ did she get that all the time..? _

“Oh no I have a bo-” Edgar stopped himself, he was so used to responding to  _ are you single?, can I have your number? You with anyone? _ With ‘I have a boyfriend.’ that he dug his nails in the table when it came out like that.  _ Automatic _ . He hated it.

The lady gave him a look- wary. Edgar resigned himself to that quiet seethe again.

“..are you ok?”

Edgar was pulled out of his deep feelings when the lady spoke again, “..Not especially, I’m sorry.” he said.

The lady moved her bag slowly, “I’m Devi. You?”

Edgar looked up and said “Edgar.”

“What’s on your mind Edgar?” she asked.

Edgar sighed and put his head in his hands, “I was warned about Jimmy, who he was, what he was like..I thought maybe..if I showed him affection he’d change but he’s threatened me,

resorted to involving me in his drug deals and he recently hit me..”

Devi winced, “Jeez man..did you at least fight back?”

Edgar shrugged, “..I yelled at him and he kicked me out- so I came here to get drunk and possibly cry in the men’s room over the toilet.”

“Wow, you went straight for the grit of it..hey- you wanna go get some Icee’s and walk around for a while?”

Edgar nodded and they got up and left. They went down to the 7/11 and Edgar put several flavors in his cup while Devi put in blueberry. Edgar was reaching for his wallet when Devi said “I got it.” Edgar nodded, told her thank you.

They exited and walked around town until 3AM. They talked about a lot of things, movies and such. When Devi found out Edgar was Christian she snorted and said,“That explains the martyr complex you’ve got going on.” Edgar ducked his head and shrugged, she added “Sorry, didn’t mean to make you upset..” He responded, “It’s not your fault, I knew what I was getting into..”

They sat on the curb on an empty street and Devi asked, “You have any place to go?”

Edgar nodded, “Haven’t been to my house in a while, I’m just afraid of what he might do if I go back right now, he’s very stubborn that way.”

Devi nodded, “He the type to always have the last word?”

“Yeah,” Edgar pushed his glasses up and sighed, “He won’t leave things be until he’s satisfied that it’s in his favour.”

Devi got in her bag and said, “Hold on, let me see if Tenna’s still awake.”

Edgar nodded and Devi called her, “Hey! yeah -..no I’m calling you how could I be dead- no- Ten-  _ Tenna hold on. _ ” There was a pause and she sighed, “I got a friend who needs a place to crash for a few days, you ok if he comes over?”

There was another pause, “No- Tenna- he’s gay..” Devi looked over to Edgar to clarify and turned back “Ok he’s Bi but he needs to get away from his crazy boyfriend.” She nodded, said “Yeah, you can make whatever.” Devi moved to face Edgar again and gave him a thumbs up and smiled, “Thanks Ten, yeah, just wanted to make sure it was ok with you first..-yeah cool- alright see you soon. Bye.”

“So! You up for scary movies and pizza until you pass out?”

Edgar smiled, a weight lifted from his shoulders, “Yeah! That sounds like a fun time.”

* * *

“And when he got out of the car he fell on his ass and we just stood there laughing with him. He was totally wasted but like- it was a good night so we didn’t really mind, y’know?”

Devi, Edgar, and Tenna were sitting on the floor of the living room surrounded by blankets and pillows, snacks and drinks, sharing stories from highschool. Tenna was sharing a story about the new year’s eve party she and a group of friends went to.

Edgar laughed, “With all that on him?”

Devi cut in, “He was almost covered head to toe in mardi gra beads, man, of course he was gonna fuckin’ fall on his ass!” 

Edgar fell backwards, like it was the funniest thing in the world, he hadn’t had this much fun in a long time- he was happy in what felt like years. Devi sat him back up and Tenna continued.

By the time Devi passed out, Edgar was about ready to follow. Tenna was eating chips and watching Scream on low volume. Edgar shifted and set his glasses on the coffee table, “..You gonna sleep soon..?” he asked, Tenna turned around, “Oh! I’m sorry, you want me to turn the TV off?” Edgar shook his head no.

“You usually stay up this late?” he asked.

“Yeah, I have insomnia so I don’t sleep, especially when Devi does. I don’t want anything bad happening to her.”

Edgar nodded, “How so?” he was more awake now.

Tenna paused the movie, “She’s been with some sketchy guys, like-..maniacs n’stuff. She was held up here for a good month and a half afraid to go out due to a negative experience with this guy Johnny C.”

“Ah, now I get why she introduced herself the way she did..” Edgar messed with his shirt, his cross was at Jimmy’s, he’d need to get that back soon.

“Yeah- so what’s up with you? Devi said you were trying to get away from your crazy boyfriend.”

Edgar looked down, “Yeah, I just feel like this is all my fault? I know I’m not completely innocent in this.”

Tenna nodded, “What happened?”

“Jimmy-..He hit me, um..he kept threatening me. He would kill animals in front of me even if I asked him not to. The thing is though, his psych doctor even told me he was the way he was, she said he had psychopathic traits, I just thought since he was nice to me for a while he wouldn’t  _ actually _ hurt me.”

“Hm, I understand. You stayed because?”

“I was alone before I met him, I only had one aquantince that I didn’t talk to much, she worked at the shop I go to. I just wanted him around so badly that I completely ignored everything wrong with the situation. Eventually he forced me to stay with him constantly, even when I didn’t want to be. He also-..um..gets angry really fast and I didn’t want him to hurt me.”

It was getting harder and harder for Edgar to breathe,  _ you did this to yourself. _

Tenna moved closer to rub his back, his vision was blurring from the tears.

“I-..I did this- to myself..”

Tenna nodded, “You did get a disclaimer but it’s not your fault he treated you that way. He is responsible for himself and how he treats others, not you, y’know?” 

Edgar nodded and wiped his face, Tenna continued, “He’s got issues, probably genetic, but now you don’t want to look at him in fear of what he might do. That’s not ok. He shouldn’t have done those things to you but he did and now you’ve got trauma.”

Edgar rolled his shoulders, “Maybe if I wasn’t so all over him he wouldn’t have gotten mad. I feel like once Jimmy’s calmed down I can apologize.”

Tenna’s face tensed, “Man, what the Hell did I just get done telling you? You are only responsible for  _ you  _ and that’s it. You don’t need to apologize to him for what he did. Yes, you did get told that he was unstable, you own up to that.” Edgar nodded, “I take responsibility for that, yes.”

Tenna continued, “But it was also his fault. Even if he doesn’t really understand emotions he could try to be considerate of yours and back off when you ask.”

“..He was..” Edgar added on quietly, Tenna continued to rub his back, she said, “Maybe at first but he got power hungry and hurt you. Forced you to stay. You understand how fucked that is?”

Edgar nodded “I’d just like to make him understand my feelings. I think it’d be easier if I just-..got my things and left though? Maybe then he’d get it.”

Tenna smiled softly, “Edgar. I don’t think he can. But y’want us to help you get your stuff from his place?”

Edgar looked at Tenna, “I-..I don’t think it’d be safe for you to go over there.”

Tenna nodded, “We’ll talk with Devi about it when she gets up. You should probably get some sleep though, you look like you haven’t gotten any in a long while.”

“Yeah..You can keep the movie on by the way.”

“Alright, cool. Have a nice rest and we’ll see what we can do later.”

Edgar nodded, “Thank you, I appreciate what you and Devi have done for me.”

“Hey, no problem, you’re real chill. Wouldn’t want you to be hurting, y’know?”

“Yeah..” Edgar smiled, “Good night Tenna.”

“Night.” She smiled back and turned to the TV again. Edgar settled and closed his eyes, he had hope that everything was going to turn out well.

* * *

“Oh we’re going.”

Edgar winced as Devi moved around sharply. He felt that she may be angry at him, he probably shouldn’t have said anything. Tenna held Edgar’s shoulder and shook her head,  _ let her go. _

Everyone piled in Devi’s car and went back to Jimmy’s. Tenna brought along her headphones and let Edgar listen to music. Edgar had a song going in his head all day, now he could listen to it. It could distract him a while.

_ “..Is it true what I heard about the Son of God? _

_ Did he come to save? Did he come at all? _

_ And if I dried his feet with my dirty hair _

_ Would he make me clean again?” _

Edgar focused on the buildings passing by. He hated the feeling that he had, it was a sinking feeling deep in his chest, foreboding. He mentally straightened himself, Tenna said it’d be fine, they’d be fine.

_ “..But now I've read some books and I've grown quite brave _

_ If I could just speak up, I think I would say _

_ That there is no truth, there is only you _

_ And what you make the truth.” _

He looked at Devi, she was talking with Tenna softly, she looked bothered. He resigned himself back to watching out the window.

_ “..So I'll just sing my songs and I'll pass a hat _

_ And then I'll leave your town and I'll never look back _

_ No, I don't look back because the road is clear _

_ And laid out ahead of me.” _

As they were edging closer and closer to the house Edgar had to dig his nails in his palms, he was getting angry and he wanted to yell again.

_ “..Now I don't know when, but a day is gonna come _

_ When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun _

_ It will all go black, it will all go back _

_ To the way it's supposed to be.” _

Edgar calmed down, he sighed and Tenna looked at him, she gave him a small smile and nod and went back with talking to Devi. Edgar nodded back and watched the other people move about, he was worked up to this. He was hurting all day and when he brought up going over to Jimmy’s he almost cried, he didn’t want his friends hurt.

_ “..Is it true what they say about the Son of God? _

_ Did he die for us? Did he die at all? _

_ And if I sold my soul for a bag of gold to you _

_ Which one of us would be the foolish one?” _

He was at odds with himself, one hand he should’ve gotten out at the first thrown object, but on the other he was grateful for what happened- in a sense. If not for his circumstances he would still be alone and not with, better, present company.

_ “..You know, I need some understanding _

_ Could you go and start explaining? _

_ You know, I want to understand.” _

Edgar was starting to recognize his surroundings, the shop Tess worked at. He saw her car in the lot, it was nice to know she was still working there. He made a mental note to go visit her once this was all over. He let the music stop for the rest of the ride over, just sitting in the presence of his friends,  _ they’d be fine, he’d be fine. _

“Jimmy! Open the door please.” Edgar’s hands were shaking, Devi and Tenna were right behind him. It took a moment and he opened the door, he looked angry- but bordering on sad.

“Can we come in?” Jimmy gave Devi and Tenna skeptical looks but let them in. Mrs. Harren was sitting on the couch, writing on her computer, she looked up at Edgar, gave him the look of  _ I warned you about this, I’m so sorry. _ She looked to Devi and gave her a nod.

“I’d like to leave now Jimmy. I know I stayed knowing you were like this but you’ve made threats on my life and hit me. That’s not ok.”

Jimmy sat on the floor and smoked his cigar, Edgar had a feeling he wasn’t going to respond very much. Edgar looked at him, Mrs. Harren probably scolded him, she seemed to be the only one who could do that to him. Devi and Tenna gave him side looks and got Edgar’s things from his room. He looked empty.

Edgar sat down in front of Jimmy, he was hoping this wasn’t going to end badly, Devi and Tenna were close by. “Mrs. Harren? Could we get some privacy please?” Edgar asked. Mrs. Harren gave him a look and sighed, got up and said “I’ll see you next week Jimmy.” he nodded and she left.

“Jimmy..” Edgar tried to coax him, he was frightened of Jimmy but maybe this could be left on good terms.

“..hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

Jimmy looked up at Edgar confused, “Why are you apologizing..?”

Edgar sighed, “I’m just..sorry. I’m sorry you’re stuck like this. I’m sorry that I can’t handle you. I’m sorry.”

Jimmy looked down and tapped the ash from his cigar in the tray on the floor beside him. “..S’not your fuckin’ fault. It’s my shit, y’know?”

Edgar nodded “..I hope you’ll find some sort of happiness sometime.”

Jimmy’s eyes started to water, “..I don’t think I can..?”

Edgar was a little wary, he knew Jimmy would guilt him sometimes, but he never cried when he did that. “..You will..but- not with me and I’m sorry.”

“..stop fuckin’ apologizing..” he said, defeated.

Edgar got up when he saw Devi and Tenna standing with his things. “..alright..just- try to be mindful, of yourself and others. Goodbye Jimmy.”

Tenna gestured to the door and Edgar nodded, Devi looked at Jimmy, his makeup was running. “You need to work on yourself,” Edgar looked at her worried, but she continued. “This shit may be genetic but you can’t take that out on other people. Find something, like art, to do. This shit can’t be excused because you’re born with it, yeah?”

Jimmy nodded and got up, he shook Edgar’s hand, looked at him, “..Goodbye Edgar.”

When Edgar let go he turned around and took a deep breath as he walked away, he felt- for lack of a better word, free. Devi handed him his cross and he put it on, he smiled, feeling complete again.

Devi put his things in the trunk and they all got in. Tenna looked at Edgar from the front seat and smiled wide at him, “You made it out.” Edgar nodded and smiled back. Devi turned as well and asked, “You wanna sing with us? Ease the tension?”

Edgar nodded, “What’d you have?”

Devi looked to Tenna, smiled, and nodded, “Up The Wolves.” she said.

Edgar was confused but nodded anyways. Tenna plugged in her aux cord and put the song on. Devi backed out of the driveway as the singing started.

“.. _ There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet _

_ No matter where you live _

_ There'll always be a few things, maybe several things _

_ That you're going to find really difficult to forgive.” _

Edgar listened, tried to sing with them, kinda failed but they all laughed. Edgar didn’t sing very well.

“.. _ There's gonna come a day when you feel better _

_ You'll rise up free and easy on that day _

_ And float from branch to branch _

_ Lighter than the air _

_ Just when that day is coming, who can say? Who can say?” _

He slowly started to recognize the song, he heard it on a mix a few times. He sat back and smiled.

_ “..Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome _

_ But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.” _

He laughed and shook his head, now he knew why they put this song on. As Edgar sang with them there was a sort of confident acceptance through the air.

_ “..We're going to commandeer the local airwaves _

_ To tell the neighbors what's been going on _

_ And they will shake their heads and wag their bony fingers _

_ In all the wrong directions _

_ And by daybreak we'll be gone.” _

Edgar closed his eyes, he let go of the fear. He was with his friends and he was going to get his life back together.

_ “..I'm going to get myself in fighting trim _

_ Scope out every angle of unfair advantage _

_ I'm gonna bribe the officials _

_ I'm gonna kill all the judges _

_ It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage.” _

They sang loud, like no one would ever hear them again. Edgar felt giddy, he was having a good time.

_ “..Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome _

_ But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home.” _

The rest of the song played and they all laughed, Tenna put on another song and they sang along to that one as well. When they got to Edgar’s house he realized how much he actually missed it. He opened the door and everything was exactly as he left it.

Edgar messed with his cross and let Devi and Tenna inside. He turned on the lights and he put all of his stuff back where it was supposed to be.

After Devi and Tenna sat down with him, food made and TV on Edgar couldn’t have asked for anything better.


End file.
